Real English Conversations: Perfectionism and Procrastination 1

Posted on February 21, 2010
Filed Under Intermediate, Listening, Real English conversations, Upper intermediate | 16 Comments

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Introduction
Hi, Lori here, welcoming you to another episode of Real English Conversations from Better@English.com. In today’s conversation I’m joined by my friend Yvette, who is a freelance writer specializing in screenplays. Her educational background is in American Studies, and she’s just an all-round energetic and creative person. I hope you’ll find her a welcome addition as my conversational partner here.

Our conversation today is about perfectionism and procrastination.

Conversation Transcript

Lori: Yeah, I was thinking that, that it would be fun to talk about perfectionism a little bit and about being a perfectionist and how horrible that is, and how it…and how it can really hinder you from…
Yvette: Being productive…
Lori: Yeah, being productive and moving forward with things that you want to do.
Yvette: Yeah.
Lori: Indeed I know it’s something that I struggle with a lot and that I’ve thought about a lot, and I know in the past we’ve talked about it from time to time, so…
Yvette: Yeah.
Lori: But, perfectionism as we all know and love it…
Yvette: Or hate it! It’s terrible!
Lori: Yeah!
Yvette: Well, it makes you not very productive. I mean, I just finished a text yesterday and I spent a lot more time on it than I should have… knowing that I wanted it to be absolutely perfect.
Lori: Mmm hmm.
Yvette: And I knew at some point…I just gave up, I, you know I just gave up and thought, “Well, it’s a lost cause,” even though I’m sure it’s fine, but err, you just give up.
Lori: Yeah, that’s good when you’ve actually already started working on something…and you’re working on it…err, that you can set a deadline for yourself, maybe, and say, “Okay, now I just can’t mess with it anymore; it has to be finished.” But what I find the most insidious and really destructive thing about perfectionist tendencies is that they can keep you from even getting started with something.
Yvette: Okay, the procrastination.
Lori: Yes. It’s very closely tied in with procrastination, I find
Yvette: Yeah. Yeah, there’s just two things that can happen. You know, you could be suffering from fear of failure or fear of success, one of the two. And err, you know, if you’re successful then you’re going to deal with, like, an additional amount of information that you need to process later on, and if you’re not successful you’re just a loser.
Lori: Yeah, exactly.
Yvette: At least that’s what I have.
Lori: Yeah, I find that, err, for me this idea of perfectionism… it’s not so much about striving to be perfect, it’s more like you’re, you’re constantly beating yourself up about things never being good enough.
Yvette: Yeah, that’s the problem. That’s pretty neurotic.
Lori: Yeah, it’s not that…I mean…you know intellectually that nothing can be perfect and nothing I do can be perfect…but…it’s, it’s… So you know that on an intellectual level, but somehow it’s like you’re still struggling with this idea that “Oh, but it’s not good enough,” or “I’ve not got all the information I really needed to make the perfect start.”
Yvette: That, that is usually the problem that I come up with, is you think you have all the information but you don’t, and then you start looking for more and more, and while you’re looking for all this extra information you’re just, well forget it, you’re not going to make it.
Lori: Yeah, seven hours on Wikipedia later…
[Laughter]
Yvette: Right.
Lori: You find you’re looking at something completely unrelated to what you started out with…
Yvette: Right. Right, that is the biggest issue is that you start looking for other information and then you discover 15 other things that are maybe also relevant or important, or maybe not, and by the time you’re done you figure out that, “Oh, that’s totally not what I needed to do.”
Lori: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yvette: This is so unimportant, or that… you know, I remember in school that I, err, handed in a paper and it was so good and so well done he’s [the teacher] like, “This is way too much work for what was really required. So why did you do all this work?” I’m like, “Well, it had to be good, right?”
Lori: Yeah. Right. Right.
Yvette: So, you spend a lot more time working on something that another person might just dismiss more quickly, and nobody notices anything that’s wrong.
Lori: That’s the thing that…I find that a lot of the things that you worry about a lot qualitywise or things that are important to you, when you think about it oftentimes those things.. other people aren’t even going to notice those things.
Yvette: That’s right.
Lori: You know, the things that you’ve worked so hard on, the little details that are so important to you…and then other people don’t even notice, and then you can wonder “What’s the point?” and “Why spend so much time on all these little things?”
Yvette: Yeah, or you see someone else’s texts or something, like, some…you know, as a writer, you read about stuff and there’s all these errors in it, and I’m thinking “Is there really a… does it really bug me so much that this is happening; is it really a problem for me that there are all these errors there?” And I’m thinking, “I don’t really think that this person is doing a bad job,” I may think, “Ooh, that’s shoddy,” but oh well. You know.
Lori: Yeah, yeah.
Yvette: I’m not as harsh on other people’s work as I am on my own, I think, or I hope.
Lori: I know for me I’m harsh on my own, but I’m pretty mean and vicious about other people as well…I think maybe that’s why I’m so worried about what people will think about my own things, because I’m so horrible and vicious [laughs] myself.
Yvette: [laughs] you will destroy them all. Oh, yeah. Now I used to, I used to correct people all the time when they made errors…
Lori: Uh huh…
Yvette: Just because, you know, I knew. I just know… “You just made an error…ha ha!” Look at me being all clever. And they hate you for that, so…
Lori: Yeah, people really don’t appreciate unsolicited correction.

Final Words

Okay, that wraps up today’s Real English Conversation. We’ll continue with this topic in the next episode. Before I sign off, I just want to thank all of you who have emailed me this past year asking when new episodes would be posted. It feels really great to know that there are listeners out there who look forward to each new episode. Unfortunately, I can’t promise to post episodes as frequently as you might like because of my other time commitments. But you can be sure that I’ll do what I can to give you as many new episodes as possible for 2010! Bye for now!

Vocabulary

(Please download the pdf for full vocabulary notes)

moving forward – to move forward
from time to time
at some point – point (1)
a lost cause
mess with – to mess with something
procrastination – to procrastinate
tied in – to tie in with, to tie in to
loser
beating yourself up – to beat oneself up
neurotic
make it
totally
dismiss
qualitywise – the -wise suffix
point (2)
bug – to bug someone
shoddy
harsh
unsolicited

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Real English Conversations: Don’t step in the dog doo (4 of 4)

Posted on November 26, 2008
Filed Under General silliness, Idioms and slang, Intermediate, Pets, Real English conversations, Vulgar language | 29 Comments

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Introduction
Hi! Lori here, welcoming you to another episode of Real English Conversations from betteratenglish.com.

In today’s conversation, which is part four of four, my British friend Michael and I wrap up our lengthy conversation about the pros and cons of dogs, dog ownership, and dog owners. Warning: some of the vocabulary we deal with in this episode is a bit vulgar, so if you are sensitive or easily offended I suggest you stop listening now.

As always, you can find the vocabulary notes and full transcript of this podcast on our website, www.betteratenglish.com.

OK, here we go!

Conversation Transcript

Lori: And some people… I swear, you know, dogs I think are great. It’s dog owners that can be just really lame sometimes.
Michael: Mmm. Mmm..
L: There’s a forest outside where I live here, where I like to go running and walking and…people, it’s a great place. I don’t see many people, but there are a lot of dog walkers who like to go there as well.
M: Yes.
L: And they don’t want to keep their dogs on a leash a lot of times. They let their dogs kind of run wild, and a lot of them don’t really have control over their dogs.
M: Right, right.
L: And the dogs can be quite aggressive sometimes. But then, dog owners are really weird. Sometimes they are so protective of their dogs and they think their dogs can do no harm.
M: Oh dear.
L: So they actually get angry at you, walking along telling you that, “Oh, it’s because you’re afraid, that’s why he [the dog] is acting like that.” And it’s like…
M: “Of course I’m afraid. He’s a giant dog with slavering fangs.” Yeah.
L: Running up barking at me, not looking friendly. Of course I’m going to be afraid, you know? And I don’t think it’s my responsibility as, you know, a person wanting to use the jogging trail — that it’s my responsibility to tailor my behavior to the comfort of dog owners, because it actually is their responsibility to keep their dogs on a leash, unless they have, you know, total control.
M: I completely agree. I was going to say, do your remember the time I was over in Sweden, and we were having a picnic in the park. And there were the young teenagers that were there, and they had a dog with them. And the dog was running loose, and the dog was coming over and sticking its nose in our picnic bag. And you had to tell these folks, “Excuse me…your dog…?” They where oblivious to the whole thing.
L: The dog was just doing what dogs do.
M: He was looking for food.
L: Yeah, of course, he is going to be interested in food. So it is up to owners to make sure they keep their dogs under control when they’re, you know, in the public space.
M: Exactly.
L: It is not up to, you know, the other people there to deal with the dog. I think.
M: You know, we shooed the dog away, more then once.
L: But he kept coming back.
M: Well we had some good chow!
L: Oh we did. Oh man, those pies that Sabina had made! Oh, my god! That is really annoying when dog owners are inconsiderate and don’t understand that it’s really their responsibility to make sure their dog is under control.
M: Right, yeah, it is part of the responsibility of being a dog owner, I think.
L: Exactly. And I’m sure…most are fine. Most people do a good job, but it’s the few people who are idiots who kind of spoil it for everybody else.
M: Sure. It gives the dog a bad name as well. I mean, if you have a few bad encounters with a dog that’s having trouble it can put you off.
L: Exactly. And that can also…if, you know…there’s some people who are deathly afraid of dogs, who don’t, you know, who have a hard time with obviously friendly dogs.
M: Oh goodness! I was terrified of dogs when I was a little boy. Absolutely terrified. And that was just through a couple of dogs that lived locally. There was a house that I had to walk past on the way to school, and there were these two dogs that would, they would bark and they would run at you. They weren’t tied up either.
L: Yeah. I think every kid has a house like that, or memory of a house like that, from when they were walking to school. I know I do.
M: Right! It’s something that sticks with you for a long time.
L: Yeah, because when you’re little, you know, I was walking to school on my own…I think from the time I was in first grade. So I would have only been five or six years old! Because it wasn’t far, it was only a few blocks and it was quiet, residential streets, so I walked to school by myself or with the little neighbor kids. But when you’re that little, a big dog is really big and really scary. And you haven’t…you’re not aware enough to tell the difference between a dog that’s just running up to inspect you and check you out and a dog that is really, actually aggressive.
M: Right.
L: So it’s really scary.
M: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I think it can stay with you for a long time as well.
L: Yeah.
M: And I guess some people never… in fact, my sister is still very, very scared of dogs, you know? And she’s nearly 40. She was like that when she was a child and she just never got over it.
L: I have to say I’m wary of dogs. Little dogs, it’s no problem because even if they were horribly aggressive you could always just kick them like a football. And you’d be OK.
[laughter]
L: But it’s the big dogs, you know, dogs that weigh as much as I do. Those, those can be quite scary.
M: That would be hard to tackle, a dog like that.
L: Yeah. And just…its going to be much more serious being attacked by a dog like that than by some little yappy terrier trying to bite your heels, you know?

M: Ankle biters. [laughs]
L: [laughs] Yeah, ankle biters. Isn’t that a slang word for kids? Ankle biters…
M: I don’t know. I guess, maybe.
L: Or like an informal colloquial word, for… Like the word “rug rats“, we have the word rug rats in American English for kids, which I think is a horrible word. But yeah, ankle biters, I think I’ve heard that before as sort of a disparaging term for little children.
M: Well, maybe that’s not something you should use for a little dog then, I don’t think.
L: No, it’s very descriptive though, little ankle biters! Ankle nippers!
M: Well you could go further, “crotch sniffers.”
[laughter]
L: Crotch sniffing dogs are the worst! Oh my God, oh I hate crotch sniffing dogs!
[laughter]
M: There is some film I remember seeing with some kid complaining about some dog. His parents say, “What’s wrong with the dog?” This poor little kid balefully cries out, “He is a crotch sniffer!”
[laughter]
L: I know. I have seen the same film, but I don’t remember which one it is. But it’s funny…Crotch sniffers are…it’s so embarrassing. I know it is just what dogs do. They sniff each other’s, you know, nether regions.
M: They clean each other’s nether regions.
L: Oh no, let’s not go there! I want to keep this one clean!
M: OK.
L: That is just what dogs do. That and the ones that hump your leg. That is so embarrassing especially when you’re over at someone’s house.
M: Especially when they won’t let go.
[laughter]
L: They latch on and won’t let go.
M: Shaking, shaking your leg. And then… [laughter]
L: Yeah and oh, that’s so embarrassing because you know everyone is thinking about sex at that point. I mean you can’t have a dog humping your leg without people at least momentarily, you know, everyone is thinking about doing it. That just makes it so embarrassing.
M: Right.
L: It’s such a delicate situation.
[laughter]
M: Oh dear. Right. Yeah. Yes. It’s difficult to remain cool.
L: When a dog is humping your leg!
M: Trying to look cool and dangerous when there’s a dog humping away at your leg. Yeah.
[laughter]
L: Yeah. Oh my god, that’s such an embarrassing situation… Anyway I think we’ve reached the point where, again, it can only go downhill from here.
M: OK. Let’s quit where we are!

Final Words
Thanks for listening. This concludes our four-part series on the good, the bad and the ugly of dogs, dog ownership, and dog owners. We’ll be back again with a new episode as soon as we’ve had time to record some juicy new topics. We welcome requests from our listeners, so if you’d like to request a topic just visit our website, www.betteratenglish.com, where you’ll find everything you need to get in touch with us. This is Lori from BetterAtEnglish signing off until next time. Bye for now!

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