Real English conversations: Lori scores a year’s supply of toilet paper

Posted on October 8, 2006
Filed under General silliness, Idioms and slang, Listening, Real English conversations, Upper intermediate | 12 Comments

 
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A longish podcast today, where I do a bit more talking than usual. Just trying it out to see how you like it!

Transcript

Hi and welcome to another edition of Real English Conversations here at Better at English dot com. My name is Lori, and it’s a grey October day here at the Better at English studios in southern Sweden. Now, I’m really sticking my neck out with today’s podcast, because this informal conversation between me and Michael reveals some of my bad speaking habits. The worst offender: when I’m telling a story, I use the word “like” to introduce reported speech, a mannerism that “careful users of English” really don’t approve of. I also use some expressions that could be considered slang, such as score, gig, office-supply porn, and honking, yet more reason for the watchful guardians of all things good and proper in English to wrinkle their brows, harrumphing in disapproval.

But I’ll stick my neck out even farther and say that the vast majority of first-language speakers are probably not “careful users of English.” At least not in their informal conversations with their friends. And the whole point of Real English Conversations is to provide you with examples of informal, everyday conversations between first language speakers of English — the kind of language you don’t usually get in mass-market English teaching materials, but that you are very likely to get out in the real world, when you’re using English with real people.

I’ve not conducted a scientific study on this, but in my experience, the way I use “like” to introduce reported speech is a very common feature of informal conversation between American English speakers from my generation, the so-called Generation X. Your listening skills benefit from understanding this common feature. But I don’t suggest that you use “like” the way I do here, simply because it is frowned upon by careful users of English.

You’ll notice that I also repeat words and pause to search for words, just like most native speakers do when they are speaking about a topic they haven’t prepared in advance. Remember, this is an informal CONVERSATION between two good friends, not a formal speech that was prepared in advance and practiced to be given in front of an audience!

As always, you will find the full transcript of this podcast and a vocabulary list on our website, www dot betteratenglish dot com.

Conversation transcript

Lori: Yeah, something kind of funny happened to me when I was shopping for office supplies today.

Michael: OK, what happened?

L: Well, my boss had, had given me a list of office supplies to buy on my way home from a teaching gig, because I drive right past the office supply shop.

And I’m always happy to do it, ’cause, as you know, I LOVE office supplies — it’s almost like my, my “office-supply porn” — I can go in and get my daily fix of all the nice things for, you know, keeping organized, and folders and notebooks, and…I had a whole list of things to buy.

And when I got up to the register and the clerk was ringing me up, the total came to over a thousand Swedish crowns. Which is not a problem, I mean, they just just send us an invoice; it wasn’t like I had to worry about money. But then he said, “Because you spent so much money here today, you can go pick one of those rolls of toilet paper over there.”

M: Toilet paper!

L: Yeah, toilet paper! And, I mean, we’re always happy to get free toilet paper; you know, it’s one of those useful things that, that, you know, a business has to buy…

M: You can never have too much.

L: Yeah, exactly. But the thing is, I looked at where he was pointing, and it was these HUGE, GIGANTIC, industrial-sized packages, all shrink-wrapped in plastic, of toilet paper…I mean, it was HUGE, I could NOT BELIEVE that I was getting one for free.

M: OK, like a year’s supply of toilet paper.

L: At least.

M: [laughs]

L: I’m serious! When…standing on end, the thing comes up almost to my chest.

Lori and the big, honking package of toilet paper

M: OK.

L: I mean, it’s huge. I, I forgot to count the rolls, but it was…it had to be…maybe… At least 20 packs of six rolls each.

M: Wow.

L: Seriously, it was one big, honking supply of toilet paper. And it was GOOD toilet paper as well!

M: And this is free?

L: Yeah, free just because I’d spent, you know, in one, you know, one purchase, we had spent over a thousand crowns. And I, but I could not believe they were giving away for free, and so I had to ask the guy, “Really? Are you kidding? You mean I get to take one of these?”
And he was like, “Yeah, yeah.”
I’m like, “No!”
He was like, “Yeah!”
“No!”
And he says that, “You know, you can look, see the sign up above…it says…I can show you.”
I’m like, “No no, it’s not that I don’t believe you, I just can’t believe you are giving away such a huge supply of toilet paper!”

I was REALLY happy. And of course there was a line of Swedes standing waiting to pay for their things, and they were raising their eyebrows at me, you know, someone getting SO excited about getting a huge supply of toilet paper. But you know, I thought that was just a really really cool thing…

M: Mmm, definitely.

L: …for or the company to do.

M: Yeah.

L: ‘Cause say they had just given away one little pack, or two little packs. Like, oh, wow, 12 rolls of toilet paper. [rolls eyes]

M: Right, right

L: For spending a thousand crowns…

M: Yeah. No, free stuff is good!

L: Yeah, and the good news is, you know here at home we’re on our last roll…

M: [Laughs}

L: And because I scored this huge supply of toilet paper for my boss, she’s like, “Take some, take some!” And…

M: NOW I see why you’re so happy.

L: That’s why today I came home with that, you know, with…

M: Your arms full of toilet paper.

L: Exactly, exactly.

Vocabulary

funny
Something is funny if it makes you laugh, or if it is strange or unusual.
boss
Your boss is the person you work for, your manager, the person you report to. It’s an informal way to refer to this person.
gig
Here, Lori means a teaching assignment out at a company.
office supplies
Goods and materials that you need in an office, e.g, paper, paper clips, folders, binders, printer ink, coffee. In the USA there are huge stores that specialize in office supplies, such as Staples or Office Depot.

office supply porn
Porn is short for “pornography.” Here, Lori doesn’t mean real pornography, of course. She is using the word “porn” in a playful way to describe the unusual (perhaps even unhealthy!) pleasure she gets from shopping for office supplies.
my daily fix
Lori talks about her “daily fix” of “office supply porn.” Again, this is a playful use of language. A fix is ” a supply or dose of something strongly desired or craved” usually said about addictive drugs. But people often use it in a humorous or playful way, e.g. “my daily fix of coffee” or “my chocolate fix for the day.”

register
a cash register. The machine that records the transaction when you buy something, and where the cashier or clerk keeps the money
ringing me up
To ring someone/something up means when the cashier pushes buttons on the cash register to record the items you are buying.
invoice
When you buy something from a company but don’t pay right away, they send you an invoice, like a bill, that tells you how much money you must pay and when you must pay it.
huge, gigantic
Synonyms for “extremely large”
industrial-sized
large packages of goods for businesses and industries
honking
Informal slang for “very large,” often used in combination with big: I can’t believe I ate that entire big, honking piece of chocolate cake!
Are you kidding?
This is an informal way to ask “Are you serious?” or “Is this really true?” We usually say this when we’ve heard something that we find hard to believe.
raising their eyebrows
If you talk about someone raising their eyebrows at someone or something, it means that their facial expression is showing disapproval of that person or thing. The stereotypical Swede is known for being quiet and reserved, so Lori’s open (and somewhat loud) enthusiasm about getting the huge packet of toilet paper for free was probably breaking a Swedish social taboo
on our last roll
To be “on one’s last X” means that you are using the last item in your supply of something. For example, “We’re on our last carton of milk; could you buy a carton when you go to the shop later?”
scored
To score something in the sense Lori uses here means that you manage to buy or receive something that you find very attractive.

Thanks very much for tuning in to this edition of Better at English. Before I sign off, I’d like to mention two things. Firstly, we have a new feature on our website that lets you use your computer and a mic to record your questions in a 2-minute voice mail message. Just click the “record a question” button at the top of the sidebar on the website. This will open a window to the Mychingo online recorder. You may need to click “OK” to allow the Mychingo recorder to access your mic, but don’t worry, they aren’t doing anything evil to your computer. Please don’t be shy about asking questions: maybe your question will be a “guest star” of a future podcast!

Secondly, if you are one of our many iTunes listeners and enjoy our podcast, I would be absolutely thrilled if you could write a review on the iTunes site. Better at English isn’t a job; it’s something I do in my free time, and it would really make my day to have some reviews come in.

That’s all for now! Here’s hoping that soon, very soon, something will happen to make you as happy as that big honking package of free toilet paper made me. See you next time here at Better at English dot com.

12 Comments

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Comments

12 Responses to “Real English conversations: Lori scores a year’s supply of toilet paper”

  1. Camilla on October 11th, 2006 16:36

    Hi Lori
    Just want to say that I’m so impressed of all the work and time you put down in sharing your energy, enthusiasm and knowledge of the English language. It’s so much easier, and funnier, to read a text with a little humor in it. The vocabulary in the end of the text is just great – keep that. It’s always a joy to come to your class… in other words… You rock – girl!! I hope you’ll have a wonderful stay in Mexico.

    Take care!
    Camilla (at Profilgruppen)

  2. Lori on October 11th, 2006 17:37

    Thanks very much for your lovely feedback, Camilla. I must say that I’m equally impressed with your own interest and enthusiasm!

    By the way, you can tell Ann that the question she asked today will be the star of an upcoming episode here (but I probably won’t have time to get it ready before I return from my trip).

    Rock on,
    Lori

  3. Juan on October 12th, 2006 02:32

    I agree that learning with your funny anecdotes is always better than those “listen and repeat” tutorials.

    Plus I’m always interested in learning more about the american slang.

    Have fun in Mexico!

  4. Akira from Japan on October 12th, 2006 18:01

    Thank you very much for giving us funny story.
    This the podcasting I have been looking for months!!
    Particuraly, your new style is so helpful for me.
    Given the new style I am pretty sure that this show is really enjoyable to lots of listners. Please continue to give us your transcript every time. That really helps.
    I am every day looking forward to your update on the show!

  5. Lori on October 12th, 2006 18:37

    Akira, thank you so much for your nice feedback! I’m very happy you find the transcripts useful, because making the transcripts is the most difficult (i.e., time-consuming) part of creating a post. So it’s really good to know that it’s worth the time it takes.

  6. Kristof on October 18th, 2006 16:08

    That was hilarious!

  7. Changusa on October 31st, 2006 21:01

    Hi Lori,

    It’s a cool thing to have one of my favored English teachers broadcast from Sweden !! Three weeks ago when I first started listening to this episode I have no feeling, but today I listened again from my iPod I felt I liked it so much about the many informal, practical usage. – Chnagusa from Fremont, California

  8. Lori on October 31st, 2006 22:26

    Thanks for the nice feedback, Changusa…I’m glad my toilet paper tales have managed to charm you in the end (no pun intended). :-)

  9. Changusa on November 1st, 2006 21:08

    Lori, forgot to tell you that I didn’t catch the details of this tale (the informal practical usage) until I saw the transcript, I’m touched by the effort you put in the transcript. I think it’s worth some money donation (like $20, $30 a year ?) from everyone appreciate the great transcript to keep this podcast going a long way.

  10. Lori on November 2nd, 2006 09:21

    Thanks, Changusa, that’s really sweet of you to suggest. It actually is the conversation transcriptions that are the most time-consuming part of making a B @ E podcast. If people enjoy the podcast and don’t want to donate funds, they could always “donate” by writing a nice review on iTunes or whatever podcast directory sent them here. That would be really great too!

  11. alicekper on February 17th, 2007 06:08

    Oh what a interesting and Funny postcad!. hehehe really really I have to thank you for being so great person helping many people learning english, real english and slangs that in my opinion it’s very difficult besides my english is very poor however reading your posts I found it very very intelligible, Oh your voice is so beautiful and very soft and clear. you’re the best teach of english ^^ a million thanksss

  12. Lori on February 17th, 2007 16:56

    Hi Alicekper,
    Thanks very much for your nice feedback — I’m glad you are finding the site useful. Good luck with your continued learning (from your message it looks like you’re doing a great job so far!). :-)

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